Children - Little, Beautiful Children

They're okay while they're small. Or little, if that's the word. When they can't speak, or make any noise - when they're mute. When they're like these stuffed toys you get in the stores that you can hug and sleep. Knowing happily that no matter what they'll never speak and that you'll never EVER wake up wet. But these good days with happy hours don't usually last long.

Before you know it, they learn to speak. They scream and shout and blow your head off. They make you wish you were born deaf, or atleast that you lost your ears. Then they cry and throw tantrums. And the worst part of it, is you don't even get to figure why. They pee and poop and puke and dirty everything that they lay their hands - or any other body part - on. As if things weren't messy enough, their noses start flowing like the Brahmaputra. BTW, and FYI, eventhough the Ganges is the longest flowing river in India, the Brahmaputra displaces the most water. Although its Indian-ness is debateable because it flows through more than one country and it even has its mouth in Bangladesh. Anyhow, this is not a Geography lecture. So I was saying, there noses flow like the Brahmaputra. With every exhale, the bubble builds up and appears as if about to burst, and with the ensuing inhale it gets sucked in and the flip-flapping sound it makes with the walls of the nostrils.. it makes you want to throw up. Argh!

They're so dirty and messed up, keeping them clean is the task of 8 pairs of hands at work 60 hours a day. And yet, no matter how clean one tries to keep them they always manage to dirty themselves up in less then a nanosecond. It's like they train themselves in the 'Art of Dirtying' for the nine months while they're in the womb. From their expertise, I can say it must be one-helluva training centre. Er, do you think this centre also imparts training in the art of.. you know.. ahem.. okay, I'm digressing now. Back on track, back on track!

Urgh! Dirty little.. little thing like things.

Then you have to admit them in schools, given them "education". WHY?! There's that rule of halves that some asscrack came up with, right? Something that goes you forget half of blah and half of blah, half of blah and blah and blah and blah blah blah. So, then.. W-H-Y? Hell, I hate those know-it-all teachers in the schools who behave as though they're authors of 'How To Raise The Perfect Thing' and as though they actually know anything about raising these things. Truth is, they know jack. Dogs and other-gender-of-dogs! And the kind of dosh it takes to get one of these things admitted in these self proclaimed "temples of wisdom", what about that? Where does one get that kind of dough from, do the F-tards sitting behind the big desks even wonder? B-tards! Temples with entry fee.

It's not like the things give a shit. You were, and probably are, a thing too, yes? Did you give a damn? How muxh of your "school-time" did you spend "learning"? Anyway, who gives a F? Why should you? F you, why should I?

Then these things grow up and have whims of their own. They haves likes and dislikes and shit. Dipshits want to be some loser independent things, they want freedom of speech, freedom of expression and crap like that when probably what they deserved was to be wasted in the bathroom or on a sanitary pad. Wonder where they learn the terminology from. Bloody TV and media.

And they grow up and want to have things of their own. As if there weren't enough things around. Thanks, but no thanks. Here in our so-called maadhar-land, we are well over a 100 million strong and growing. We've run out of space. Of course, a few lucky farts still live on easy street but barring them, we're more than we can be.

Okay, enough of it for today. So.. don't fret, get a pet. Yes, bring home a pet instead. Like I did when I got Zatarra.

Till next time - this is Deja Moo, The Cow's Opinion.