Some of us start writing with a thought, a message that we intend to communicate before the end of the write-up, an idea that we want to convey, a feeling we want to express; I usually start with a writer’s block. And usually a large blinding one, at that.
I realise these ‘last e-mails’ are quite a thing. There’s so much pressure on the go-er to write something heavy that one can be remembered by. NOT my forte! I can yap endlessly, but writing inspirational or professional has seldom been a thing I can call myself a master of. So much that I used to consider “special” in that regard.
I am told, as a child, like I’m sure most of us have been, I was very courageous. Fearless, if you will. Over the years, in the guise of “education,” “sanity,” and “social mores,” I have shred that trait in bits and pieces and I cannot say I am left with any of it now. I am the kind of a guy who looks up theweatherchannel.com for weather before I travel and packs for average temperature, average temperature plus 2 degrees and average temperature minus two degrees, summer clothing and winter clothing even when I just camping in the backyard.
I am from a business family and in my community that entails having risk appetite of a tight-rope artist. When I am asked what I want to be, I say ‘teacher’ because while being a teacher is a position of responsibility I presume one can get away with not being responsible quite easily. Not in business, not when all you own is at stake, now when there are probably a trillion as many riches to rags stories as there are of the opposite kind.
With all that background, why am I quitting my comfortable desk job?
I don’t really know. Really, I haven’t a fucking clue!
Is it the money? Nope.
Do I want to prove something to someone? Nope.
Epiphany? Nope.
Did I spot a gold mine? Nope.
Sudden burst of emotion? Nope.
Influence of alcohol? Nope.
Drugs? Nope.
Parental pressure? Perhaps.
Societal pressure? Perhaps.
Inner feeling of inadequacy? Perhaps.
Good choice considering the motivations? Nope.
And yet, here I am, counting days before I will be out in the wild - timid rabbit in the wilderness, prey for the wild.
And as if the world wasn’t ending tomorrow, there is the pressure of writing that last e-mail saying tata bye-bye sayo nara to my workplace to haunt.
